Can a Penis Cake Be Chic Enough for an Elevated Bachelorette?
I couldn’t help but wonder… if bachelorette parties have graduated from feather boas and plastic tiaras to satin robes and champagne towers, shouldn’t the infamous penis cake get an upgrade too?
Gone are the days of grocery-store sheet cakes in neon frosting. Today, the elevated bachelorette party demands something cheeky yet sophisticated — playful but Pinterest-worthy. Enter: the classy penis cake. Fresh figs, French macarons, truffles, and a little edible gold dust. Suddenly, what used to be a gag dessert becomes the glamorous centerpiece of your soirée.
And the best part? With the right mold and recipe, you don’t need to be a pastry chef to pull it off.
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The Mold That Changed Everything
No more carving awkward shapes out of sheet cakes. Thanks to the 10.8” x 6.5” x 2.95” silicone mold, you get a perfect silhouette every single time. To get that Pinterest-style layered look, you’ll bake two cakes in the mold, slice each in half, and stack them with piped mascarpone cream. The result? A four-layer masterpiece worthy of any elevated bachelorette party.
The Recipe: Chic & Cheeky
Ingredients (for 2 cakes, 4 layers total)
Cake
• 4 cups all-purpose flour
• 3 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 cup unsalted butter, room temp
• 2 cups sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 cups buttermilk
Frosting
• 4 cups heavy cream
• 1 cup mascarpone (or cream cheese, softened)
• 1 cup powdered sugar, sifted
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
Decorations
• Fresh figs, halved
• French macarons (neutral or gold tones)
• Chocolate truffles (Ferrero Rocher, Godiva…)
• Mini Oreos or chocolate cookies
• Fresh rosemary or bay leaves
• Optional: edible gold leaf or dust
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Step-by-Step Guide
Step 1: Prep the Mold Like a Pro
Grease the silicone mold with nonstick spray and a dusting of flour. Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C).
Step 2: Make the Batter
1. Whisk flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
2. In another bowl, cream butter and sugar until fluffy.
3. Add eggs one at a time, mixing well, then vanilla.
4. Alternate adding dry mix and buttermilk until smooth.
Step 3: Bake Two Cakes
• Divide batter into two equal portions.
• Bake the first cake for 40–50 minutes, until a skewer in the deepest part comes out clean.
• Cool 15 minutes, unmold gently, then chill.
• Repeat with the second cake.
Step 4: Slice Into Layers
• Using a serrated knife, slice each cake horizontally into 2 layers (for a total of 4).
• Trim domed tops so the layers stack evenly.
Step 5: Whip the Luxe Frosting
Beat heavy cream, mascarpone, powdered sugar, and vanilla until stiff peaks form. Transfer to a piping bag with a star tip.
Step 6: Assemble the Layers
1. Place one cake layer on your board. Pipe frosting stars across.
2. Stack the second layer, pipe frosting.
3. Repeat until all 4 layers are stacked and covered.
Step 7: Decorate Like Couture
This is where the “elevated” comes in:
• Nestle fresh figs like jeweled accents.
• Add macarons for French-girl flair.
• Place truffles and cookies for contrast.
• Pipe swirls of frosting in gaps.
• Finish with sprigs of greenery and a dusting of gold.
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Beyond the Cake: Penis Charcuterie & Cookies
Because what’s an elevated bachelorette party without a little extra drama on the table? Pair your chic penis cake with playful but sophisticated snacks:
Forget the old cheese-and-cracker platters. Arrange artisanal cheeses, cured meats, grapes, and dark chocolate in a cheeky silhouette using a penis-shaped board (yes, they exist — Etsy is full of them). The trick to keeping it elevated? Choose luxe ingredients: think brie, prosciutto, figs, Marcona almonds, and honeycomb. A board that’s both tasteful and… well, not so tasteful.
Classy Penis Cookies
Sugar cookies can go from kitsch to couture with the right design. Use a penis-shaped cutter, then decorate with pale pink royal icing, metallic luster dust, or even delicate floral patterns. Package them in glassine bags with satin ribbons as party favors. They’ll make your guests laugh — and then they’ll Instagram them.
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The Grand Finale
Picture it: a four-layer cake that’s cheeky enough to make the girls laugh, but chic enough to post on Instagram. Add in a penis charcuterie board and cookies, and suddenly your dessert spread is the kind of luxury bachelorette inspiration that lives on in group chats forever.
Because sometimes, the most unforgettable details are the ones that balance sophistication with just the right amount of sass. And if Carrie Bradshaw taught us anything, it’s that a party is only as fabulous as its accessories — or in this case, its desserts.
So the next time you’re planning a luxury bachelorette soirée, remember: a penis cake can be more than a joke. It can be the showstopper — and with the right sidekicks, the whole event becomes unforgettable.
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✨ Pro Tip: Pair your cake, charcuterie, and cookies with champagne towers, monogrammed silk robes, and a curated playlist for a bachelorette party that feels more rooftop Manhattan than dive bar cliché.
